


Pull Me Out Of Vertigo (WHEN WILL IT STOP)

by autumntoash



Series: autumn's oneshots [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Abandonment Issues, Anger Management, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Bugs & Insects, Car Accidents, Coping, Depression, Drugs, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Home Eviction, Homelessness, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Knives, M/M, Maggots, Major Character Injury, Melissophobia | Phobia of Bees, Mentioned Emotional Manipulation, Minor Character Death, Minor paranoia, Mold & Mildew, Mommy Issues, Other, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Separation Anxiety, So yeah, Suicidal Thoughts, Terrible Living Environments, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anger issues, author is not okay, heads up i dont ship tommy with anyone, ive just been in relationships that gave, me hurt, no beta because this is extremely traumatic, rated mature for obvious reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumntoash/pseuds/autumntoash
Summary: In which one very messed up and sad author projects.Or, I make Tommy suffer.read the tags, please. you have been advised, because there are some very, VERY triggering topics.Technoblade represents my middle sister, and Wilbur represents my oldest sister.minor (mentioned) original characters representing the sibling figures that come and go with time, and my current four step sisters (who are unrelated to the actual people behind Wilbur and Techno).
Relationships: No Shipping Minors - Relationship, Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: autumn's oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179626
Kudos: 27





	Pull Me Out Of Vertigo (WHEN WILL IT STOP)

**Author's Note:**

> quick oneshot about my issues  
> hey heads up this is a ventfic and while i am not mentally okay i am doing my best and as of now i am clean of s/h and any kind of drugs (i don't do drugs, but to clarify, i've gotten high because of close quarters contact. alcohol related issues are an accident [which is quite funny] so it's not going here.), and i'm also getting help soon so while you can send your condolences, i am in an okay and stable place <3
> 
> in this fic i am also going over relationships, and i'm not saying that tommy himself has been in a relationship (not my place to assume), because i am projecting. i don't ship minors. this is also implying that tommy is lgbt, which he is not (as far as i am aware), because i have been in a relationship with people of different genders before, and this is my story.
> 
> if you've come here to leave hate, just leave man. you aren't appreciated here, because this is a vent of the feelings i can't properly express.
> 
> ages in here (besides tommy's age) are the actual ages i went through these events.

At just 16, TommyInnit felt like a failure. A big, problematic, good for nothing failure.

What happened? What happened to this lost shell of a boy? Well, for certain, it all started in the spring of an unnamed year, just after Easter celebrations were finished and kids were finishing their school weeks, excited for the weekend.

Young Tommy was 7. He was getting ready for his bed routine, as it was nearing 8pm, which was his bedtime. He approached the bathroom that was currently occupied by his mother. He knocked on the door.

“Mom?”

No response. He knocked again, with no response, again. When the third knock on the door warranted no response, he knew something was wrong. He decided to take things into his own hands, and opened the door. He did not expect to see his mother hunched over the toilet, which had its seat down. There was no blood, so Tommy didn’t think she was dead, he didn’t really know what was happening anyway. He shook his mother, and when he got no response, tears welled up in his eyes.

“Mom? Mom?? Mom please.”

The now crying Tommy gave his mom one last hug, hoping it wouldn’t be the last. Hoping that he’d wake up tomorrow to his mom giving him a “Good morning, Tommy.” when he came downstairs for breakfast. He was still crying when he padded down the hallway, past the room his parents slept in, past the bathroom which was attached to that room where his dad was in the shower, blissfully unaware of the current situation, at least for now.

He walked into the dining room, where his older brother, Techno, was sitting.

“Techno? Mom isn’t- isn’t moving.”

He cried harder, and his older brother told him to wait there, as he went to investigate.

“Mom?” Techno called, confusion lacing his tone as he too, discovered the horrible sight.

The next few minutes were a blur, but he remembered that his brother went to go tell his dad, and he ended up in his room, past tears leaving their tracks as he played on his tablet to distract himself from what was happening on scene. He didn’t hear any ambulances or police, but he learned a few years later that they did show up.

It was 12:35 am when he heard the stairs creaking. He heard a voice, and he was so disoriented he hoped that it was the one of his mother. When it wasn’t he visibly deflated, sadness settling into the cracks, and staying for much longer than he wanted.

It was his aunt. He didn’t remember  _ what _ she said, but he knew that he’d be going with her. He got up, grabbing his tablet and charger, and probably other things, and followed his aunt to their car. He doesn’t remember anything after that.

When he had to go back to school, it was a Wednesday, and the one suggesting that he go back to school wasn’t his father, but him himself. He made it halfway through the day before he had to go home. The following Thursday, he made it the whole day and continued to do so for the rest of the year. 

He had behaviour issues, and that was undeniable. His first grade year, he got the entire class sent outside because he didn’t want to write. He really, really,  _ really, _ did not want to write, and the whole class had to leave so his poor teacher could attempt to get him under control.

It wasn’t really his fault, he was still shaken from his mother’s death, and still in denial.

He doesn’t remember this, but he got bullied for it, once. His father had stepped in and it never happened again.

He came out of denial in June.

In second grade, his second year of public school, he got ISS (In School Suspension)  _ twice _ .

The first time was for a week. He had gotten aggravated and had decided that violence was the answer, and he had thrown a few chairs, and according to a classmate, a desk. He had tried to get out of the suspension room more than once, not really understanding  _ why _ he was there at all, but still plotting to escape. Whoever the teacher was, who ended up with him, was incredibly patient.

The second time was only for a few days. He was placed in the room for only two days, and he can only assume it was for behaviour issues, but he doesn’t remember.

In third grade, it didn’t get better

It was October, exactly 18 months after his mother died. He was sitting in bed, when he looked over at the stuffed animal he had in his hands, more specifically the sunglasses the animal wore, that he had put on after discovering that they fit.

“Your sunglasses are dirty, I’m going to clean them.”

He got up, sunglasses in one hand, and he walked out of the room. On his way to the kitchen, he spared a glance into the hallway. The hallway he had walked down where his mother had died, 18 exact months ago. He looked down and saw his grandmother, who he was living with after his mom died, sprawled out on the floor. He thought she just fell down, and turned around.

Somewhere in his subconscious he knew not to investigate. His brain was screaming.

“Dad?”

His dad looked up at him.

“Grandma fell down and hasn’t gotten up.”

His dad immediately got up and walked past Tommy, going into the hallway to investigate. His older brother, Techno wasn’t home and he didn’t know where his oldest brother, Wilbur, was either. His dad simply told him “Go to your room.”

He decided to camp out in his dad’s room, because he knew  _ exactly _ what that meant. He was never told to go to his room, and the last time he had, it was eighteen months ago, today.

He doesn’t remember calling his friend who lived up the street, but he remembers going out the back porch door in his dad’s room and going around the house since the door was blocked by police and ambulance people. He remembers the flashing lights, and how they reflected on almost all of the houses on his side of the complex he lived in.

He spent a few hours there, and went home afterwards.

Fortunately, the next year had nothing bad happen.

The year after that had him not only moving, but getting his first phone, and subsequently losing it a month and a half later. He was 11.

He remembers his dad yelling at him, and throwing it down the stairs while he cried in his room. He forgot to clean his room, and his dad didn’t take too well to it. It was the 28th of december.

It was over just like that.

February of the next year also saw him getting in trouble again. Why? Because his dad walked in on him while he was on a call at 12:15 in the morning with his girlfriend, who was from a completely different country. He was using his tablet, and fortunately it didn’t suffer the same fate as his phone.

He doesn’t remember what they were talking about, but he remembers that his girlfriend was crying.

He gained his phone back (which was new) in May, and his tablet in September.

However, the year did not end well.

In October, right before Halloween, his dad’s fiance and his dad broke up, his dad’s fiance  _ lying _ to him, which was a big no. That woman led to him getting trust issues, abandonment issues, and much later, separation anxiety. Ouch.

He turned 12 that year, and near the end, December 11th, he was getting out of an extracurricular club when he received a text from his brother, Techno.

\-------------- messages: techno :) --------------

Do not come home or accept a ride home. I’ll be there soon.

Ok. Why?

I can’t tell you over text.

\---------------------------------------------------------

He was hoping for it to be something exciting, but he knew his luck in previous years was shit. He waited a few minutes, and his brother pulled up.

“What’s going on?”

“Just get in the car.”

He found that weird, so he got in the car, pulling the doors shut as he braced himself for whatever information was going to be dumped on him. He didn’t expect it to be this.

“We were evicted earlier today. 9:25 am.”

He sobbed. His brother had to calm him down as they drove to the police station. He cried while in the station, as they waited for someone to bring him to his home so he and his sister could pick up items to go a week or so.

They got in, and Tommy put his chargers, his tablet, clothes, some personal items, a blanket, and the pillow which was made from cloth of his mother’s sweater. He also grabbed his instrument.

He and his brother went to a friend of his brother’s house, and he was told that his oldest brother, Wilbur, was coming and going to take care of him. He was happy that he got to see his older brother, but also very worried. He hadn’t heard from his dad, and to his knowledge, his sister hadn’t either.

He ended up hearing from his father at midnight, while he was asleep. His dad was with a friend of his for now. He didn’t see his dad until Sunday, and it had been the longest he had ever been from him.

During this time, he met someone.. interesting. A new friend, he supposed. They got along rather quickly, them being a few months younger than himself. This friend of his soon didn’t feel like a friend, but rather a traitor, in a sort of way. Like they talked about him behind his back. They threatened him with empty threats, and he listened. He was so, so afraid of losing another friend.

The new year came and went, and so did another woman his dad dated. She was nice, and ran a pizza place, but she disappeared as soon as she appeared.

Even though he lived with Wilbur, he didn’t legally live with him, so he was technically homeless. Ouch.

However, that January, he moved back in with his dad. He didn’t mind living with Wilbur, it was just that.. Wilbur would be grumpy and argue with him a lot, and Tommy got  _ so mad _ about it. He developed minor anger issues, and spiraled partially.

In all honesty, his new home  _ sucked _ . Then his girlfriend broke up with him, and he was crushed. Then he couldn’t go to school normally, and he spiraled. His sleep schedule got even worse, he started to have an urge to hurt, and he lashed out more often than not

His ‘home’ wasn’t ever his home, it was dirty, not ever clean, and had a bee problem that June. Tommy was terrified of bees, he didn’t really know why either. He ended up killing 16 of them. That issue solved itself in two weeks, and those were the worst two weeks of his life. 

In July, he cut off the friend he thought was a friend, and figured out that they talked about him behind his back. It made him sick.

He remembers coming home after a week out one August, and doing the dishes, he almost vomited. There were maggots on a plate crawling and alive, and a huge mass of mold in a pot. He did the logical thing, and literally chucked it into the woods. He got questioned, but it was valid

It was so gross.

He had been contemplating suicide throughout his life as well, and at this point, had considered it four times.

He spiraled out of control many times, nearing insanity, and was pulled out just before he could launch off the rocker, whether it was for one reason or another. Sometimes he wonders what would happen if he was never pulled out. He stabbed a box once, and got some concerning questions. He still has the knife.

However, the constant he had-  _ needed _ , was his dad’s current girlfriend. She was a teacher, and she was one of the greatest people he had ever met. He could go to her for the hugs he needed from someone other than his dad.

He and his dad ended up moving out of that house in November. They moved in with his girlfriend and her youngest daughter. He met the other three, and they were nice. He fought with his practical sister quite often though, over the stupidest things. He holed himself in his room.

His sister did drugs. He tried not to think about that one.

He was, well, getting better now. He switched schools, and did school things. He still was so very messed up, but the worst of it was over, for now.

He still gets so unfortunately sad over the fact that he can’t remember his own mother’s voice.

That’s life for you, he bitterly thinks. He’ll keep living, out of spite. Maybe life will give him a break if he spites it hard enough. Spite is a great motivator, isn’t it? He remembers his boyfriend, and how he ended up hating him. He doesn’t remember why, but it’s for the better. He wasn’t the best.

Life also gave him memory issues.  _ Great _ . He’s got a book of memories, at least.

Spite life.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are well appreciated <3
> 
> i also just realized that my mom's death was literally the day after tommy's birthday (april 10th, death happened)  
> that just hurts significantly more jesus christ


End file.
